We live in a democratic age. The democratisation process is moving steadilyalong in nations transitioning from totalitarian and authoritarian rule allover the world.
What Is Child Sexual Abuse?
Sexual abuse happens when an adult or older child uses a younger childfor sexual stimulation. The stimulation may take the form of sexualfondling, handling of the genitals, attempted penetration, oral sex, orintercourse. A father watching his teenage daughter undress and shower isan example of hands-off sexual abuse. Eighty-five percent of sexualassaults on children are committed by someone the child knows and usuallytrusts – an immediate family member, by a parent, step – parent, sibling orother relative; or outside the home, for example, by a friend, neighbor,child care person, teacher, or stranger. When sexual abuse has occurred, achild can develop a variety of distressing feelings, thoughts andbehaviors. Most offenders are male. They come from all age, income, andeducational groups. Their approach is usually not violent, although itoften involves a threat or a bribe. The child might hear, “I won’t like youanymore,” or “I’ll give you …” The abuser relies on the child’signorance, helplessness, and a lack of a clear understanding that she isbeing hurt. Too many sexually victimized children, especially boys, nevertell. Afraid that someone will blame them, they keep the abuse a secret.They fear rejection and punishment, or they think nobody will believe them.A relationship of trust or intimidation with the abuser also may silencethe child. At first, child sexual abuse may be marginally inappropriate,such as tickling or hugging to excess. During this initial contact,children can learn to ask someone for help, but first they must know thatwhat is happening is wrong.
Sexual assault is any unwanted, forced, tricked or coerced sexual
activity. It includes verbal harassment, exposure, fondling andpenetration. It can happen between strangers, but more often, it occursbetween people who know each other. Survivors may require immediate crisiscounseling, emergency medical care and legal advocacy services. Often theyneed psychological care and support which extends well beyond the crisisphase. Nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, outburst of anger,and depression are commonly experienced. It can also lead to eatingdisorders, substance abuse and difficulties with interpersonalrelationships.Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse of children is a harsh fact of life in our society. It ismore common than most people realize. Some surveys say at least 1 out of 5adult women and 1 out of 10 adult men report having been sexually abused inchildhood. This might be fondling the child’s genitals; getting the childto fondle an adult’s genitals; mouth to genital contact; rubbing an adult’sgenitals on the child; or actually penetrating the child’s vagina or anus.Other forms of abuse can also occur that are not as easy to detect. Theseinclude showing an adult’s genitals to a child, showing the childpornographic or “dirty” pictures or videotapes, or using the child as amodel to make pornographic materials. So there are various types of sexualactivity which may take place. It can include open mouth kissing, touching,fondling, manipulation of the genitals, anus or breasts with fingers, lips,tongue or with an object. It may include intercourse. Children may not havebeen touched themselves but may have been forced to perform sexual acts onan adult or older child. Sometimes children are forced or tricked intodisrobing for photography or are made to have sexual contact with otherchildren while adults watch. Child sexual abuse does not always involvephysical touching. It can include any experience or attitude imposed on a
child that gets in the way of the development of healthy sexual responsesor behaviors. For example, a child may be a victim of “emotional incest.”If a mother tells her son, in great detail, about her sexual exploits, orif a father promises his daughter that she will be his life partner whenshe turns 18, these would be scenarios in which the child could beconsidered sexually abused. Siblings who are aware of a brother or sister’svictimization, but are not actually abused themselves, may also suffer manyof the same effects as an abused child.How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Occur?
Estimates are that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boysexperience sexual abuse in some way before they are 18. Data on how many ofthese children live in foster or adoptive homes are not available. Fostercare and adoption social workers are now saying they believe thepercentages of boys and girls in foster care who have been sexually abusedare much higher than in the general population, perhaps as high as 75%.Many came into foster care initially because of sexual abuse and others arechildren who were re-victimized while in foster care, either by an olderfoster child or by an adult. Rate of child abuse by race:
[pic] It doesn’t have to happen. We can and must reduce these alarmingstatistics. As we do, millions of people will be spared lifelong emotionalscars and painful relationship difficulties.
Why don’t we talk about sexual abuse with our children? Perhapswe are unaware of the problem or uncomfortable with the subject. We maythink our children are too young, or that the information will give themthe wrong idea. We usually want our youngsters to obey and trust theirrelatives, teachers, baby sitters, doctors, and practically anyone older
than them. In our wish for our children to develop a trusting out-look andrespect for others, we ignore a dangerous fact: some people who look, act,and sound trustworthy should not be trusted or obeyed.Why Does It Happen? The impact on children of sexual activity on television, video andthrough the internet was still unknown, but now… Some children in all overthe world, however, also engage in commercial sex while living at home. Themajority of these children trade sex for money or for more expensiveclothes or other consumer goods. Other groups of commercially sexuallyexploited children include girls in gangs, children brought into thecountry illegally, and youths trafficked nationally and internationally aspart of organized sex crime rings. Boys are victimized as often as girls.More children are being sexually abused via the internet, with some forcedto take part in live sex shows, the charity. The sexual abuse of children, child pornography and paedophilia on theInternet today are problems of international proportion. Through satellite,cable and the Internet, they touch all levels of society, they reach allregions, they put at risk children who should be in school and studying tocontribute to their society. Most countries already have laws againstcrimes of sexual abuse of children, child pornography and paedophilia. Inmany cases, it is a matter of reinforcing these laws and supporting lawenforcement agencies. Some children are even being “advertised” online using indecentphotographs taken at home. New videophone technology could lead to evenmore children being abused. It also raised fears that thousands of childrenphotographed or filmed being abused would never be traced. The victims ofthe abuse, which was often carried out by relatives and friends, may not betraced because no single agency has the money or authority to find them.
The Cycle of Abuse Can Be Broken
We cannot protect our children by sheltering them from the truth. Wemust teach them about the potential for sexual abuse, and prepare them toreact assertively to inappropriate touch and other signs of danger. As asociety, we must refuse to tolerate the crime of child sexual abuse. Inaddition, education and counseling are needed to promote healing for bothvictims and abusers. The subtle, silent trauma of child sexual abuse can beprevented.
What Every Child Should Know?
There is a difference between good, bad, and confusing touch. Know howto tell the difference. Parents should know that pre-school children don’talways understand the concepts of good touch or bad touch. Studies showthat young children can understand feelings connected with extremeexperiences such as being hit “bad” versus being hugged “good.” Youngchildren are often confused by situations that fall between the twoextremes. Most sexual abuse involves gentle fondling and is accompanied bygentle and caring words. Very young children may have difficulty perceivingthis as “bad” touch.
It is all right to say no. Trust your feelings of discomfort, nomatter who the person is. Say no to unwanted hugs, pats on your buttocks,and touching that confuses or bothers you. Alternatives include runningaway, removing the person’s hand, and yelling “stop.”
There are no secrets. It is wrong for someone to ask you not totell your parents. It is wrong to trap you into breaking a rule and thenthreaten to tell if you don’t cooperate. It is not right for someone togive you a gift and then expect something from you.
You should refuse a request if it feels weird; will separate youfrom other children; goes against family rules; involves a secret; or seems
like an unearned special favor.Child Power
We can teach children to protect themselves from sexual abuse byexplaining the dangers in a matter-of-fact way. Instill in them a sense oftheir own power to say “No!” or to leave or call for help when faced with athreatening person or situation.
Never insist that a reluctant child kiss a relative or friend of thefamily. This teaches the child that adults expect him to submit to unwantedfamiliarity. The youngster who learns early to be selective aboutfriendships, touching, and other expressions of affection is prepared tofend off unwanted attentions and invitations. Encourage children to valueprivacy and personal space. They also should know they can talk to youfreely about their thoughts and feelings. Don’t stifle the child’s abilityto give and receive affection. And don’t instill an inappropriate mistrustof adults. The younger the child, the more attention you must pay to this.Teach children to trust their feelings and to let affection come naturally.Parents can prevent or lessen the chance of sexual abuse by: • Telling children that “if someone tries to touch your body and do things that make you feel funny, say NO to that person and tell me immediately” . • Teaching children that respect does not mean blind obedience to adults and to authority, for example, don’t tell children to, “Always do everything the teacher or baby-sitter tells you to do” • Encouraging professional prevention programs in the local school system. • Do not permit to watch TV programmes for adults. • Do not permit to talk to strange people.
What you can do …
Recognize your child’s right to say no to physical attention. Respectthat right, be alert to the child’s discomfort and intervene whennecessary. Even very small children should not have to endure hugging,
tossing, and patting they do not like. If they learn to ignore theirfeelings because expressing them makes no difference, children lose avaluable tool for protectingthemselves.Notice when others harass or take advantage of your child.Whether this is coming from adults or other children, your child needs toknow how to respond appropriately.
Take what your child says seriously. Be available. Help yourchild figure out what to do in uncomfortable situations.
Express disapproval of inappropriate behavior in others. Do notjustify the behavior of teachers, ministers, or grandparents, for example,just because of who they are. When you do, the child will not only distrustthem, but also may distrust you.
Refuse to leave children with people you do not trust. Payattention to warning signs, including your own intuitive hunches about whatis a secure, safe environment. Abusers frequently are nice people from nicefamilies.
What if. . .?
If your child has already been assaulted, be glad that you know aboutit. Many children grow to adulthood harboring their secret with no one tocomfort or protect them. Many have suffered years of sexual assault with noone to stop it. You still have time to help your child heal and learnprotective skills for the future. Take the following steps:
1. Believe what you have heard.
2. Comfort the child. Explain that it was not his fault. The abuser is atfault and needs help.
3. Let the child know you are sorry it happened. Reassure her that youaren’t angry at her and that she hasn’t been bad.
4. Tell her you will make sure it doesn’t happen again. Children need tofeel protected.
5. Get counseling for the child, and maybe for the family. Listen to your child’s explanation for disclosing the abuse. Make sureyou report the abuse and help your child to understand that the abuse is
not his or her fault. Give lots of love, comfort, and reassurance. If youare angry, make sure you let your child know you’re not angry with him. Letyour child know how brave he was to tell you and that you understand howfrightened and scared he feels. This is most important if the child hasbeen abused by a close relative or family friend. Then, tell someoneyourself and get help. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, a counselor, apolice officer, a child protective service worker, or a teacher.Sexually abused children may develop the following: • unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature • sleep problems or nightmares • depression or withdrawal from friends or family • seductiveness • statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area • refusal to go to school • delinquency/conduct problems • secretiveness • aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies • unusual aggressiveness, or suicidal behavior There is a myth that all children who have been sexually abused are“damaged goods” and that the damage is for life. In fact, with guidance andsupport a child who has experienced sexual abuse can certainly recover andgo on to live a happy, successful life with loving and trustingrelationships. However, there are many factors which influence the extentof the child’s trauma and subsequent healing process. Some children who have been sexually abused go on to abuse otherchildren. While this is a serious problem, the exact percentage of sexualabuse victims who become abusers is not known. It is important to realizethat these children are victims as well as offenders and need to receivecounseling from qualified therapists who understand both aspects of theproblem. The therapist must be able to be empathic and understanding of the
“victim” but confrontational with the “victimizer.”Will Our Child and Family Need Professional Help?
It is very likely that at some time or other parents of a child whowas sexually abused will need professional help and support for themselvesand their child. The type of therapy that will be the most helpful, thatis, individual, couple or family therapy, will depend on a family’sparticular situation. When a child is being seen in individual therapy, itis important that the parents, who have the primary responsibility for thechild, be in close contact with the therapist, or included in the therapy.Try to choose a therapist who is knowledgeable about both sexual abuse andadoption issues and with whom you feel comfortable. If parents are notfamiliar with the therapy resources in their area, they may want to asktheir adoption agency or local mental health center for a referral. Thereare also which may be helpful with referrals to therapists who areknowledgeable about sexual abuse. Support groups for adoptive parents or sexually abused children andsupport groups for victims/survivors are another helpful resource. Adoptiveparents who have had a chance to talk with others who understand theexperience of parenting a sexually abused child say that this kind ofsharing is very useful. A psychologist in the field of sexual abuse, alongwith many children and adult victims/survivors, say that groups forchildren can be most effective in the healing process. The opportunity totalk and share with other children who have also experienced sexual abusereduces a child’s sense of isolation and belief that he/she is the only oneto whom this has ever happened. Some children who have been sexually abused have difficulty relatingto others except on sexual terms. Some sexually abused children become
child abusers or prostitutes, or have other serious problems when theyreach adulthood.We must know that young victims may not recognize their victimization assexual abuse.Excerpt from Sgroi’s book review: “Helping sexually abused childrendepends on the combined efforts of law enforcement, medical, socialservice, and prosecution personnel. It is essential for those in each fieldto recognize and understand the others’ responsibilities in dealing withchild sexual abuse. Only then can we learn how best to help each other tohelp the victims and their families. As experience, research, and learningadvance. It becomes increasingly clear that the police officer – and indeedthe entire criminal justice system – are an integral part of identifyingthe problem, protecting the victim, and remedying the situation.”
I think what the report highlights is that we’re simply not doing agood enough job in this country taking care of our children. We have got topay closer attention to the problem including what is happening in our ownhomes and neighborhoods with kids who we think we are taking good care of. SUMMARY
Sexual abuse happens when an adult or older child uses a younger childfor sexual stimulation. Sexual assault is any unwanted, forced, tricked orcoerced sexual activity. Sexual abuse of children is a harsh fact of life in our society. It ismore common than most people realize. Some surveys say at least 1 out of 5adult women and 1 out of 10 adult men report having been sexually abused inchildhood. Eighty-five percent of sexual assaults on children are committed bysomeone the child knows and usually trusts – an immediate family member, bya parent, step – parent, sibling or other relative; or outside the home,for example, by a friend, neighbor, child care person, teacher, orstranger. This might be fondling the child’s genitals; getting the child to
fondle an adult’s genitals; mouth to genital contact; rubbing an adult’sgenitals on the child; or actually penetrating the child’s vagina or anus.Other forms of abuse can also occur that are not as easy to detect. Theseinclude showing an adult’s genitals to a child, showing the childpornographic or “dirty” pictures or videotapes, or using the child as amodel to make pornographic materials. So there are various types of sexualactivity which may take place. It can include open mouth kissing, touching,fondling, manipulation of the genitals, anus or breasts with fingers, lips,tongue or with an object. It may include intercourse. Children may not havebeen touched themselves but may have been forced to perform sexual acts onan adult or older child. Sometimes children are forced or tricked intodisrobing for photography or are made to have sexual contact with otherchildren while adults watch. Survivors may require immediate crisis counseling, emergency medicalcare and legal advocacy services. Often they need psychological care andsupport which extends well beyond the crisis phase. Nightmares, flashbacks,difficulty concentrating, outburst of anger, and depression are commonlyexperienced. It can also lead to eating disorders, substance abuse anddifficulties with interpersonal relationships. So I think we must tried to notice, protect our children, because theymay not recognize their victimization as sexual abuses. It is veryimportant to pay attention in our and leastwise in ours neighbourhoodschildren. We must not forget that our children are our future and we cannot cripple them and must take care of them. VOCABULARYFrom summary:Advocacy gynimas, palaikymasAnus išeinamoji/analinė angaAssault užpuolimas, ataka, šturmasCoerced (pri)versti, daryti spaudimąCommitted atsidavęs, pasiaukojęsCounseling patarimas, konsultacijaTo cripple (su)luošinti, (su)žalotiTo disrobe nu(si)rengtiEmergency kritiška, nenumatyta padėtisExtend (pra)tęsti, pailgintiFlashback žvilgsnis į priekįFondle glostyti, glamonėti, myluotiForced priverstinis, prievartinisGenital lytinis, lyties, genitalijosHarsh šiurkštus, grubus, nemalonusImmediate neatideliojamas, nedelsiamasIntercourse bendravimas, lytiniai santykiaiOutburst protrūkis, prasiveržimasPenetrating prasiskverbiantis, skarbusPerform įvykdyti, atliktiRub trynimas, įtrynimasSibling brolis, sesuoSubstance medžiaga, esmė, pagrindasTricked apgauti, apsuktiVagina makštis, vaginaFrom all text:Advertise reklamuoti, skelbtiAssertively tvirtinančiai, atkakliaiAware žinantis, informuotas,…Bribe kyšis, papirkimasButtocks sėdmenysConfrontational konfrontacinisConsumer vartotojasContribute aukoti, duoti, prisidėtiCounseling patarimas, konsultacijaDisclosing atskleisti, demaskuotiEmpathic įsijaučiantisEndure (iš,pa)kęsti, ištvertiEnforcement spaudimas, vertimasEssential svarbus, būtinasExcess pertekliusExposure buvimas, neapsisaugojimasExtent mastas, apimtisFavor paslauga, malonė, palankumasFoster auklėti, globotiTo harass užpuldinėti, trukdytiHarassment priekabiavimas, varginimasTo hug apkabintiHunches nujautimas, įtarimasImpact smūgis, susidūrimasInappropriate netinkamas, nederamasIndeed iš tikrųjų, žinomaIntervene kištis, įsiterpti,…Intimidation įgąsdinimas, įbauginimasMarginally nežymiai, minimaliaiMolestation bandymas išžaginti, priekabiavObedience paklusimas, nuolankumasPat paplekšnojimas, tapšnojimasProsecution vykdymas, užsiėmimasReassurance patikinimas, garantavimasReduce (su)mažinti, silpnintiReferral perdavimas, persiuntimasRefuse atsisakyti, atmesti, šiukšlėsReinforce sustiprinti, sutvirtintiRejection atmetimas, nepriėmimasReluctant daromas nenoromisRemedy ištaisyti, pataisytiScar randas, gilus pėdsakasSeductiveness viliojantis, gundantisSiblings broliai, seserysSteadily nuolat, pastoviaiStifle smaugti, dusintiSubsequent paskesnis, tolimesnisSubtle subtilus, švelnusSuicidal savižudiškas, pražūtingasThreat grasinti, grestiTickle kutenimasTo fend off atremti, apsiginti, atsikirstiToss metimas, blaškymasisTrace susekti, atsektiTrap spąstai, pinklėsTrustworthy vertas pasitikėjimoUnaware nenujaučiantis, nežinantisUnearned neužsitarnautas, nepelnytasWithdrawal atitraukimas, atsiėmimas LITERATURE:
• http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/
• http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/sexabuse.htm • http://www.jimhopper.com/memory/ • http://www.ncptsd.org/facts/specific/fs_child_sexual_abuse.html • http://www.apa.org/releases/sexabuse/ • http://www.missingkids.com/cybertip/ • http://www.protectkids.com/abuse/ • http://nsi.org/Tips/sexabuse.htm • Wounded Boys Heroic Men: A Man’s Guide to Recovering from Child Abuse by Danial Jay Sonkin and Lenore E. A. Walker. (1998). • The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. (1994). • The Sexual Healing Journey : A Guide for Survivors of Sexual Abuseby Wendy Maltz (19 February, 2001).