If someone were to look through your bedroom, what do you hope your possessions would convey about you?
A typical teen’s room? In some respects, yes, but in many ways, my room has become an extension of my personality, interests and values. Upon entering, one would probably notice the lack of any music group, scantily clad female model, or indeed, any adornment at all on my walls. I prefer the unsoiled look of clean walls, which provide a sense of calm. Hoowever, my room is far from military precision and order; my bed lies unmade and yesterday’s wardrobe gathers dust on the floor. The visitor may consider my room tidy, but not inflexible.
While touring my room, one would surely stop to look through the room’s workspace, my desk and computer. The desktop is fairly organized, consisting of a pencil holder, desk calendar, and assorted textbooks. The calendar is full of important dates-tests, deadlines, and of course, the rare days off from scchool. Academics are one of my highest priorities, but would be useless without occasional relaxation. Above my desk hangs a bulletin board. Similar to the calendar, it holds important pieces of information, as well as a few personal items. A po
On the other side of my room lies my relaxation area, commonly referred to as a bed. Strewn about the bed are two magazines which represent my interests, MacWorld and Time. I read these magazines daily, to keep up
After exiting my room, I would hope my visitor learned a few important things about me. I consider my academics seriously, and devote much of my time (and room) to them. However, they do not necessarily dominate my existence; loud music and Stephen King novels also play a role.
While no one felt that this essay was strongly flawed, they made a number of suggestions about how the author could have rewritten the essay to create more of an impact.
The writing style is a little too rigid. The writer should let go of the fear that he won’t be taken seriously unless he uses a formal style. The writer should replace stodgy sounding phrases like “while touring my room,” with the more straightforward, “as you look around my room.” If this were one of my students asking advice, I’d pat him on the back and say, “Lighten up, it’s your bedroom. Don’t use words like quietude and utilitarian. Relax and have fun with this.”
This essay does not, unfortunately, convey an impression of a very active person. Whether or not he meant to, I picture the author as someone who spends a lot of time alone in his room playing with his computer and reading lightweight novels. I don’t see what he would contribute to campus life. This is something that applicants to technical institutions in particular should be wary of. Admission officers at such places tend to be especially unreceptive to applicants who seem to believe that being a “computer jock” is all the credentials they need for admission.